pondering

there is no real issues for me to write about today.. just feel like penning something down..

the diva is still engaging in a stupid crusade with some worthless idiots.. there is a difference in bitching with peers constructively and just have fun compared to bitching with plain idiots.. *shrugs*

she has yet to reply to my email.. and its so frustrating.. i really hate waiting!

have been in a contemplative mood for quite sometime.. thinking about the near future.. more specifically about career, further education and marriage..

did make vague plans to go to malaysia with my granny for a short trip.. maybe just melaka or KL.. it was the first time i ever asked her whether we have any relatives at that part of malaysia.. i think it will be fun.. i have no idea yet when i want to go.. perhaps may.. perhaps early june..

was looking at the prices of cars and houses just now and making basic calculations on the cost.. it seems quite achievable albeit certain sacrifices needed to be made.. the funny thing is i compute into my calculations the supposed salary of my future wife too (whoever that girl will be).. hehe just having a rough idea u know.. not counting my chicks before the eggs are hatched of course..

gonna watch kill bill2 this weekend.. have no idea exactly with who though..

i really must draw up my plans for the next 3-5 years and work hard towards it..

amused again

went to jurong point yesterday after i booked out from camp.. seeing those couples with kids, the young ones i mean.. and those old evergreen couples makes me think about marriage..

was also marvelling at plasma and lcd tv.. i studied about them during my poly days but obviously i've given back all those knowledge to my lecturers.. in any case, owning one of those plasma technological marvel is on my wishlist..

went to my granny's place.. been quite sometime since i went to visit her.. about 3 weeks i guess.. so after a very short nap at home, i went to her place for lunch..

i always feel pampered when i am there.. i've only just stepped into her house and the first question she asked me was what i prefer, bread or rice.. cos she cooked kuah dal.. that indian dish with veges and dal and meat u know..

after my meal, she sat beside me in the living room and we just chat.. we started with her asking me about nicoll highway and proceeded to her bitching about her sons and me about my mum and siblings.. :)

she remarked about the time my lil bro was sent to stay with her for a day because my mum and sisters have things to do.. how my lil bro being just 6yrs old knows how to make conversation with her and eating 5 meals during his 1 day stay.. and she made this comment, "waktu kecik2 cari nenek, cari datuk, mintak duit beli aiskrim beli mainan.. dah besar dah tak ingat nenek tak ingat datuk.."(when young look for grandparents.. ask for $ to buy icecream and toys.. now that all grown up, no longer look for us).. well, i can confidently say that the comment was totally not meant for me.. because i visit her at least once a month or as often as every week..

it made me realise one thing, that old folks ask for nothing.. just our appreciation of them..

whilst bitching about my family, she started the topic about my marriage.. nothing major or anything.. just her telling me that when i get married one day, its best to have my own house.. and i told her indirectly my concerns regarding marriage and supporting my family.. was basically skirting around the issue.. but she got the gist.. :)

i think if i have a gf soon, or if i am seriously considering plans for marriage, she will be the first to know among my family.. and i hope she will be around long enough.. God Willing..

we talked for about 2 hrs before i stopped to perform my asar prayers and also becos i need to go to my uncle's house too.. went to d room to perform the prayers and she went to d kitchen.. after the prayers, she told me she made me coffee!.. thats why i said i feel pampered whenever i go to her house.. and her coffee is so powerful.. then again even if she make coffee from 3in1 sachets, it still taste wonderful!.. and we chatted for another 15 mins before i finally left..

i love my granny..

the past two weeks, i've read 2 malay love novels.. my sisters like to borrow these kind of books from the library.. so if i am at home and have nothing to do, i will just grab one and start reading.. well some of them are nice and have educational value (if love novels ever have educational value)..

here are some of what i jotted down,

The Value of A Smile
it cost nothing but creates so much
it enriches those who receive
without impoverishing those who give
it happens in a flash
and the memory of it sometimes lost
forever
none are so rich that they can get along
without it

it creates happiness in the home
fosters goodwill in business
and it is the counter sign of a friend
it is rest to the weary
daylight to the discouraged
sunshine to the sad
and nature's best antidote for the
troubled

yet it cannot be bought, begged,
borrowed or stolen
for it is something that is north
earthly good to any body

until it is given away
and if we are too tired to give you
a smile
may we ask that you leave one of yours
for nobody needs a smile as much as
those who have none left to give us

on the topic of vengeance,
Berdendam dalam islam bukanlah perkara yang baik
Ia hanya membuka pintu hati kita kepada syaitan yang mengetuknya
Jika kita memaafkan seseorang yang telah khianati kita,
seluruh alam tersenyum kepada kita
Malaikat akan mencatatkan kebaikan yang kita lakukan
Makhluk2 tuhan akan mendoakan kita
Betapa indahnya kemaafan
Betapa nikmatnya menghargai persaudaraan
Betapa bahagianya hidup tanpa dendam

somehow decided to surf my friendster account and reading on testimonials of my sec sch friends and what they wrote me..

started to reminisce about the old times in particular our history field trip in sec 3..

*sigh*

how time flies..

amused

the diva actually got himself into a blardy catfight.. wahaha! i have no idea why on earth he actually got into such senseless amusement.. whatever makes him happy i guess..

was listening to a religious talk on a batam session just now.. very cool.. cos it touches on some feminist issues.. the orator was drawing comparisons between golda meir and bandaranaike, between margaret thatcher and siti khadijah RA and so on and so forth..

he was saying that women should never be restrained from social activities.. he called them as 'social agents'.. he cited the verse from the quran about men being leaders to women.. yet his stand was that as long as they socialise and be active in their community but still able to take care of their homes, husbands etc, they should be encouraged.. how enlightening..

he was also saying about how man and wife should be the pillar of support for each other and not add to each other stress.. a very basic lesson on handling emotions in a relationship..

he also said.. hmm i forgot what else he said..

i think blogspot is lagging.. an entry which i deleted seems to be still readable to some viewers.. weird.. and comments which were supposed to be there arent readable to me.. bleargh..

to the friend who typed the comments, gimme the link to ur blogspot ya.. either thru the comments box.. or my email..

resolved

went to plaza singapura yesterday to just slack and shop for some groceries.. afterwhich, me and a friend went window shopping, and the other guys went to have dinner..

while strolling (if such a word can be used) along the shops, we walked past one which is meant for mums and babies.. saw a blardy cute anne geddes picture.. so cuteeee! i was actually gushing and my friend said,

him : "Beli ah.. gantung kat bunk!" (buy ah.. can put in the bunk)
me : "Tak boleh dok.. nanti kalau gantung kat bunk, aku gian nak ada baby!" (cannot lah.. if its in the bunk, i cant wait to have a baby)
him : "Eleh.. minah belum ada.." (chey.. gf also u dun have)

:-)

we then went to spotlight and i was marvelling at the bedsheets while he was also playing with the thoughts of having such splendid bedsheets with a wife waiting for him at home.. hehe

while walking from bunk back to the medical centre just now, i thought of a story which i read somewhere.. its about an old man (the father), a young guy (the son), and a donkey..

the story is such that, the trio set off on a journey.. when they reach their first stop, the town's folks were marvelling at the stupidity as to why they didn ride on the donkey.. so the son told the father to ride the donkey and they continued the journey..

when they reached town B, the town's folks were angry at how the father can let the son walk and he enjoy the comfort of the ride.. the father then let the son take his place on the donkey and continued the journey..

when they reached town C, the town's folks were furious at how the pair can actually torture a cute donkey with their weight.. father and son then decided to tie the donkey on a long pole and carry the donkey.. they then continued on their journey..

along the way, they came to a river.. luckily for them, there is a narrow bridge.. so they decided to cross the river using the narrow bridge.. as luck would have it, the bridge was slippery and they lost their balance.. the trio fell into the river.. the pair managed to swim to the opposite bank.. and the donkey, tied to the pole was swept away..

the morale of the story is very simple, we cant please everybody it seems..

there was an incident when comments reached me asking me why i was getting so close to the bitch.. was even accused of being gay.. tsk.. took a step back, and look at my behaviour.. i didn see anything wrong.. we lead absolutely separate lives.. i told the bitch, and was rebuked for getting too affected by what people said..

another incident involved the friend from one of the rifle company.. history has it that we became friends after i helped him get some medicine on one occasion and medical leave on another.. our relationship became closer through the passage of time and we have outings together.. that normal guys bonding..

i realised two points.. on the matter of the bitch, i dun think i am a puppy.. where the puppy keeps on following the master wherever he goes, slacking with the master, gaining the master's approval and basically behaving like a leech.. the person who made the comments is the puppy.. so i attribute it to jealousy..

the other point is more to society at large.. whats wrong with making friends by normal friendly gestures which is very trivial in the first place? if the friendship can progress, good.. else, at least u have made some acquaintance.. i again took a step back and analyse the situation.. i found myself to be lacking.. lacking in self-confidence.. why on earth am i bothered by what people of lesser emotional intelligence have to say? (read my self intro on disdain for... ) i am quite pleased with my friendship with the rifleman.. almost all the malay guys in the medical centre have got to know him.. and in return i got to know some of the guys in his company.. most importantly, i gained another buddy..

so, be true to thine own self..

i dunno whether i should feel slapped or electric shocked or embarrassed.. comments by the friend doesnt really help.. it has been quite a long time since i go out with her and have a drink and just talk.. i sorely need that and soon!

question, "how do u contact someone who almost never have a hp or almost uncontactable via the phone line at home?"

read the diva's blog and i remembered abt Robert Fisk..

By endorsing Ariel Sharon's plan George Bush has legitimised terrorism

What better recruiting sergeant could Bin Laden have than the President of the United States?

go here

goodness gracious

was watching the NKF show.. have been pestering the bitch with the question, "So are u gonna donate?" he persistently said no..

came one story about a family where the breadwinner is a kidney patient and he has 6 children.. the wife had to resort to go down to the void deck and rummage for food for her children..

shown on tv where one of the host was interviewing her and the lady was tearing with 2 of her daughters oblivious to the pain of the moment..

2 conflicting emotions from the medics

in Medic A's thoughts, "sad.. the children oblivious to the pain of the parents.."

and Medic B said, "Even she can get married.. so u better go for it.. "

he was blatantly bitching and commenting about how a not so good looking woman can also get married..

he is a dear friend..

but still... tsk tsk tsk!

there are quite a few things swimming in my head right now and i am just too lazy and tired to sift through them and put together a lucid entry...

so maybe, just maybe..

went to town yesterday.. (i've no idea how to write this entry so i shall just write the main points)

ok scrap that.. just dun feel like detailing what happened during the outing to town yesterday.. its a nice outing nonetheless..

i read the comment to the previous entry..

about 5 times to be exact.. and i am still confused..

U took 5 yrs to realise the "luv" (what is love?) that you had for her, dun you think she should take equally that long to actually be sure?


u mean i have to wait for another 5 yrs? not that its a bad idea or anything..

thanks to the person who commented.. and i miss that person too..

i am bored..

relieved, regretful

sent him an email yest detailing why i was angry..

he came back to bunk at dawn and apologised.. awkward.. the apologising part.. i just nodded..

glad and relieved..

the old adage, make alot of friends and have no enemies..

have been bad.. time to rectify it..

regretful.. on hindsight, shouldn have confessed.. i somehow feel things wont be as back to normal with her..

*sigh*

quoting the diva, "...Time will reveal everything to me as God leads..."

happy momentarily

was having that emotion fleetingly just now...

talked with razif on the phone.. a pleasant chat.. imagine after running 6km, was sweating but feeling great and u chat with a dear friend... nice..

and i am quite a sinseh.. told him to drink homemade barley water 3days ago when he reported sick, and it actually works.. even his voice is better now.. cool

anyway, i can no longer evade the issue of that person and after persistent cajoling on his part, i have to at least tell him roughly what is the problem i am facing with the mutual friend.. managed to tell him part of the problem anyway.. i am quite the evasive warrior..

i think this has reached childish proportion..

i will just bite the bullet and make peace.. thats me..

will see how it goes from here..

realised the superficiality of friends.. even ur seemingly close friends can rear a medusa's or hydra's head and bite u.. thats human nature i guess.. i like to think i am sensitive.. but is that really the case? or am i placing too much effort and hope on something undeserving?

i've said before.. i have major issues in seeing thru a plan of action.. i know what i have to do, but i always succumbed to the obstacles along the way..

i am just a weak person..

forlorn of all hope

and its 1537hr right now.. up in the lady officer's room.. surfing the net on some info i need to know.. it just add on to my blue state of feelings.. that contributes to my stress..

the 'slow' colleague is with me too.. he is just sitting there.. deep in his own thoughts.. one wonders what goes on beneath the constraint of his skull.. did engaged in small talk with him.. and i cajoled him to go home at 1700hrs instead of 1730hrs.. he actually dared to bargain with me! i emerged the winner of course and he agreed to knock off at 1701hrs.. the audacity of him..

feel like listening to vivaldi or just some soothing classical music but i am just not up to scouring the net for it.. so i read some quotes instead..

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

To know someone here or there with whom you can feel there is understanding in spite of distances or thoughts expressed ~ That can make life a garden.
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Nine requisites for contented living:
Health enough to make work a pleasure.
Wealth enough to support your needs.
Strength to battle with difficulties and overcome them.
Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them.
Patience enough to toil until some good is accomplished.
Charity enough to see some good in your neighbor.
Love enough to move you to be useful and helpful to others.
Faith enough to make real the things of God.
Hope enough to remove all anxious fears concerning the future.
--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832)

hehe
there was about 20-25mins pause between my bargaining with the slow colleague and writing this.. he was just 'thinking' about sth.. i was reading my quotes.. and voila, he actually asked me about my plans after ORD! humans nowadays are just lacking.. not that i am some old sage or something..

there is this melancholic feeling which i have been trying to find the words to portray it since lunch.. was hoping that another colleague can helped me but he went off for some meeting.. its like sth u wanted for so long.. sth surreal or a mirage.. then it materialises and u know u can get it.. then again, the sheer effort to get it gives way to feelings of futility and despair..

another of those times when i feel like talking to the diva but him being him wont be able to help much in relation to this feeling.. (diva-tic retort will come i'm sure)

laters.. another entry at night if i feel like writing sth..

fruitful

it's always nice to spend time uninterrupted, unalduterated, untainted and undisturbed with like minded people.. i mean, just sit, listen to the radio and bitch.. during such time, u can actually be civil and think aloud.. no pests bothering u.. no puppies trying to grab ur attention and no unwanted guests popping at ur room.. such times are far and between at this point of time..

were talking about overseas trips, and somehow the bitch conveyed his wish to travel around the world by the age of 30.. and we bitched around until the question of by which age should the 3 of us bring our partners along pops out.. and i remembered how when i was in secondary school, i used to asked another friend of mine about all these futuristic questions.. *sigh*

i cant remember who exactly said this, (the result of reading too much quotes) "Only in the company of friends, i can think aloud".. Weird and scary yet exciting when u are able to somehow echo the thoughts of another person.. someone said we are alter egos.. but i am glad we are different entities..

I never knew the bitch thought the same way as i do on certain things regarding a certain person.. the way the person bragged.. the way the person does things.. still, i cannot comprehend how he can put on a false front and be good friends with the person.. this realisation dawns upon me another insight into his psyche.. and its not really wise to be able to comprehend your friend that well.. in a way, u feel the bond with him.. in another aspect, u never know whether he treats u the same way as he treated the person.. *sigh*

the ice between him and me is slowly thawing.. i am still maintaining that frosty attitude.. that civil colleague-like working relationship.. but he is beginning to stay in the same room with me etc.. he used to stay away from me too and i was all too glad by his apparent understanding of my attitude towards him.. not that its hard to discern anyway :) the kind me wants to end this seemingly childish conflict.. and i was close to doing that slowly in my own way.. but the way he treated the 'slow' colleague in the med ctr just now stopped me in my tracks.. even if for God's sake i do end this attitude, he wont stop his mistakes.. my point is, shouldn he empathise with such people? he has a down syndrome brother for goodness sake! how will he feel if people make fun blatantly on his brother?.. for all my pettiness and high moral ground attitude, i can do without such unfeeling human beings on my friends list..

i detected a high level of angst and negativity in the diva.. tried to probe.. but he said there is nothing wrong.. all in good time i guess.. or i am just too sensitive in reading people's moods..

am flattered and honoured that some people actually find me 'desirable' but i cant respond in kind..

there are other things i wanted to write about but am not able to conjure a suitable train of thoughts..

its my blog.. my thoughts.. i will not accept any invitation to stand in any court to explain what i've written except His..

words of wisdom?

read faruq's cousin's blog.. only the few recent ones.. and since i cant find any tagboard or comments area on that site, i will just pen it down here..

sometimes, a human had to grow up earlier than they would like to.. is it that hard? i guess so.. what is to be done then?

put yourself in the shoes of someone else..

if u are your mum, what would u have expected your daughter to do in some of the angst-filled situation u are facing?

if u fail to submit your homework, u will feel bad, scared, and all yang sewaktu dengannya.. that is because u have failed in your responsibilities.. what if u have not done the basic housework expected of u? lets say just make ur bed.. or mop ur room.. etc.. shouldnt u feel bad? thats ur personal stuffs anyway.. start small..

Allah likes to present trials to humans.. the more trials He gives u, the more highly thought of u are in His eyes.. and He will only give u trials which He knows u can handle.. That is why not everybody can be Mr President right.. So have faith, be patient, pray, and divide ur tasks and do it.. dun mop around and be sad about ur plight..

quranic recitals (bacaan quran) is very soothing.. http://english.islamway.com/ friends i know, myself included turn to that site when they are blue.. :) so start with maybe sudais and misyari and just play it in the background of ur house.. insya Allah everybody will feel more relaxed.. do it continuously.. Fitrah k.. people no matter how naughty, will succumb to God's words.. do it as a therapy.. have faith..

a special issue which i think is needed..

this SHOULD BE MY DIARY.. not aunt aggie's column..

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.
--Alexander Pope

a point entry..

gonna just cut and paste and jot down notes..


my entry on friday 12 march..
ii) be a man
i am a cautious guy.. my zodiac says that Leo like to do things dangerously.. but i like to take the safe route.. i dun take risk.. i am prepared to wait and bide my time.. sometimes, a relationship between a guy and girl starts by being friends then it develops and they become good friends where the guy will know when on earth is the girl's mentruation cycle and the girl will know the guy's brief's size and etc etc etc (not talking abt myself ok ;> ).. there is a chance one of them have already developed feelings for the other friend which goes beyond platonic relationship.. that person then will be plagued by a dilemma.. to confess or not to confess? if he confesses and the girl likes him, they will live happily ever after.. if the girl rejects him, then things will start to spiral down dun u think? well, my friend said, a guy can never have a girl as a best friend.. if u like her, tell her clearly but not loudly.. meaning, if u like her, just tell her once clearly that she is not doubting what u have told her and the ball is in her court.. there is no need to tell her repeatedly or daily and do stupid mushy stuffs like standing outside her house everyday with a stalk of rose! (and no, i wasn't talking abt myself!)

Diva's entry on friday 9 April
Do what you deem is right. Love is selfish, be prepared to give and expect no returns. Ultimately at the end of the day, even if you failed terribly, you did it with no regrets. All the best Nar. Sometimes, such heart-to-heart talks do rake up yester-memories of your own. Be it good or bad, I've faced it with boldness, guts and bitchiness. I do believe in patience, she will come back to me one day by God's grace. However, I'll not give up the whole forest for a tree. Time will reveal everything to me as God leads...

from a transcript
guy : ....
girl : ....
guy : ....
girl : ....
guy : ....
girl : ....
guy : ....
girl : ....
guy : ....
girl : ....
girl : Haha.. R u in love with me?! A Simple yes or no will do w no explanation required.. I know u well enough to ask for one anyway..
guy : Yes
girl : Haha k ! Thanks my dear
.......
guy : I got the feeling u find all this so amusing. So u no need to respond?
girl : Actually, since u have been frank enough to me, i'll share this secret k, Remember e day that i went over to see u and have dinner together? After that day, i realise that u fit my criteria as my future hubby. Haha.. However, just like what u felt, i was scared to destroy our frenship..
guy : ....
girl : ....
guy : ....
girl : ....
guy : ....
girl : ....
guy : ....
girl : ....
guy : ....
girl : ....

I may continue this entry after the run..

Maybe i wont..

tsk tsk tsk.. yeah dont assume..

indescribable.

thats the feeling i am having now after reading 2 blog entries from ben.. he is good.. his english and his bitchings.. i asked him yesterday why he didn score for his GP and he answered, i think i criticised too many people thats why i got such grades.. classic..

blogs serves as an online diary.. sometimes it gives u an insight to the psyche of the blog-owner but at times, the blog owners will have to make the call as to whether what he is about to pen down should be on it.. what then serves the purpose of a diary really? from a book i borrowed from ben, ".. eventually, your writing will become the reading matter of someone and your private words will become public"

i asked ben after the show on friday night (Passion of Christ) this, "So are u gonna repent?" and he looked at me with diva-tic nonchalance as is his trademark and answered, "What sins do i have?" I didn pursue the matter.. i never thought after reading his blog just now, my good buddy is a human after all.. :) i never would have dreamed that the show will touch him in some degree.. hehe

went home taking NR5.. waited quite awhile i must say.. and its a historic first because that was the first time i went home with someone on a NR.. with my divatic buddy nonetheless.. how cool is that!.. one thing though, he is a person with boundless store of energy.. he continued to yak away in the bus.. its a nightrider for goodness sake.. its already 2+am and the passengers want to sleep.. but of course he is oblivious to that fact..

started saturday with going to Turf City Giant to shop for the bbq stuffs.. one of the ORD-ing personnel asked me to go along and i have major issues to saying NO to a person.. but its quite nice.. why? imagine pushing a trolley and u just dump stuffs into it and u arent the one paying for it.. how cool? all that i was eyeing was stingray and i got to buy it! hehe 2 large stingrays.. and we were like calling vincent what he wanted to eat all in a bid to make him come for the bbq.. how evil.. but its enjoyable and that bugger enjoyed the bbq eventually.. :) of course when its spent with the full bitch clan present and having peach & mango yoghurt topped with nata de coco.. who would have thought abt adding nata de coco had it not been for the presence of the lovely jian? needless to say, eating stingrays and the yoghurt is all that it took to have a lovely time.. of course the presence of ben and vince plus the absence of some people in the medical centre is a blessing indeed..

actually, i was not supposed to bring ben along.. was planning to have a date with another girl.. ben was the backup date.. was planning for it since wednesday night.. not really planning, more to looking forward to it.. but she just absolutely refuse to give me a definitive answer.. coupled to that problem, she was afflicted with a bad cough and sore throat on friday.. in any case, she told me on friday night that farisj might come.. a mutual friend of ours.. and i msg-ed her my displeasure and drop the strongest hint yet that it was supposed to be a date.. but after that i wasnt really expecting the date to materialise.. i am quite a pessimist..

on saturday noon, she msg-ed me asking where do i wanna go to watch the movie and she wanted it to be somewhere near our houses since she hasnt fully recovered.. i just msg-ed her back to cancel the whole idea and for her to recuperate.. *sigh*

i for one am a planner.. i dun like to do impromptu things.. i like to have a rough sketch of plan A, plan B etc.. i dun like to have conflicts with my plans.. and i dun like it when i was waiting for someone and that someone cannot make it and i ended up stranded at home.. i dun like to go out of my way to psycho people to see my point or abide to my wishes.. thats just not me..

i felt guilty of making ben my backup companion.. i explained to him and related to him the whole story to alleviate that guilt feeling.. needless to say, it was hard.. not because the story is sad or something, but i just cant stand his bitchy face!!! hehe but he got serious and civil and the narration went well.. its a first i guess.. me relating my personal issues.. for all the love we have for each other, i dun usually tell him my problems.. when we go out, we bitch.. not to share some male bonding.. that shall change i guess.. definitely since both of us will be living a pauper's life and living quite near to each other..

i have a serious problem with sequencing my points to pen down.. especially if i have to write about 2-3 days worth of activities.. so my entries always have that disjointed feel.. sue me.

headache.. literally and figuratively

after the friday prayers, had lunch with ben.. first time i went to his new house.. and that bugger dun even know the exact location of his block.. supposed to help him with his blog but voila.. he has managed to have one by himself.. i've linked him..

THEY refused to hear ur all-time 24/7 rantings about e imperfections o tis earth? Dun ever succumb 2 these sub-standard creatures. Because u r just 1 step closer to e answer to ur woes. By nt closin tis window after readin tis far, enlightenment shall b bestowed upon u...

i was stumped by the audacity of his bitchiness.. then again, he is the diva and its HIS blog.. :) and his dog isnt that ugly after all.. i am playing with the idea of letting my cat make acquaintance with his dog.. that will be a historic episode i think..

prior to friday, was again feeling damn bored.. cajoled ben to call me to have a chat but that guy was yakking away his supposed misery in the medical centre.. bleargh.. got tired and i just ignored him.. sms-ed the resident bitch instead.. its quite an amazement u know.. we rather sms to and fro than chat on the phone.. so i explained to him who is the 'uneducated bitch'.. who is the one who i sort of hated now..

it takes quite a lot for me to hate somebody.. for all my pettiness, i never really take offense with friends' or colleagues' jibes.. i just ignore, smile or have a laugh out of it and fired my own salvo which is rather rare.. u dun fire a nuclear tipped warhead that often do u? so i take the moral high ground..

but this guy is really too much.. i have the feeling that he treated me as such because he thinks we are buddies and we shouldnt take offense on such 'playfulness'.. sorry babe..

i asked the resident bitch whether he complained to him abt my attitude towards him.. it has been a week since i last have a friendly chat with him.. and all that he told the bitch was that i am having mood swings.. what the fuck?? humans need to do some self-reflection on their own actions every now and then u know.. the Noble Prophet was reputed to have do self reflection every night before he go to sleep to make sure he owed no one any quarters or any sin committed be nullified..

was thinking whether i made the right decision.. even in the mosque, was frowning.. it doesnt help matters that he now 'takeover' MY FRIEND.. yeah its the petty me again typing now.. but IT IS MY FRIEND and i was the one who make the introductions.. bleargh.. how childish can this sound?

gonna watch Passion of the Christ tonite.. an impromtu and spontaneous decision.. i seldom make this kind of decision but its the diva who moot the idea and we should make exceptions for friends shouldn we?

sigh..
should guys be thick skinned when chasing after girls?
Persistence too?
i think this is one of the reasons why i am not that lucky with my love life.. i am a very egotistical person.. i dun see why guys need to drop the ego just to chase a girl.. i guess men have to act according to circumstances yar..

i really need to talk to someone.. sit down and drink coffee with pen and paper and have a heart to heart talk.. i love my bitches but i cant seem to do that with them.. ben will just keep on yakking.. i can only do serious talk with the resident bitch thru sms and thats out of the question.. i just hope she will go out with me tmrw.. *sigh*

*asSudais, aliImran background*

me : tgh buat apa kak?
her : Tgh boring2.. I didnt get to see any site wiv extremely gorgeous guys, or call any guy up

ouch k.. girls really know how to sindir

con't
i decided to call her.. and my luck was such that, it was her who picked up.. u see, everytime i called her, its either her sister or her father.. and either she's at work.. or she's asleep..

when she picked up the call, it was that sleepy voice she used to show she is not interested.. but when i intro myself, she turned to be like a blonde who just won lottery!!! hehe.. and we talked and i wished her.. and i became the first to wish her.. had to cut the conversation short since i have to go staff parade.. i am happy.. =p

yeah.. repetition.. its my blog!

pray for me.. woohooooo!

felt so so fuctup an hour ago because of a phonecall.. u know that feeling when u feel like drowning.. that unbearable suffocation.. i just took a deep breath, walk out of the medical centre and threw the rubbish at a nearer location.. was just clad in vest and slack and my orange slippers.. i then walk the short distance to my bunk and change to my pt kit and go for a run..

just a short 4km run.. to clear up all those clog arteries and clear up my brains.. yeah.. feeling abit better now.. went to the ladies toilet and bathe under the cold shower.. rejuvenating.. cold shower in a dark toilet.. the light is time+sensor based lah.. and no.. i am not a sex maniac.. but it helps.. i will survive.. i have my cat to cheer me on.. i am hopeless..

came across a blog.. u know the section on the 10 most recently updated blog thingy.. and the first thing i saw was a picture of a beach with a couple hugging each other.. tastefully done.. nothing kinky whatsoever.. no face shot.. just dressed bodies by a beach.. the second thing i saw was another picture of 3 girls.. and all three are pweeeety ladies.. yeah.. a picture 3 girls together and all there are PWEEEETY LADIES! i have no idea which one is the owner of the blog.. nor do i know which year she was born in.. nor have i any idea where is her school.. and its a pretty new blog.. so yeah.. we'll see.. good right? feeling blue, and i found sth like this.. well they ARE pretty!

*sigh*
8 april.. tomorrow is her birthday... *pause*... well i decided to call her.. and yeah, i AM A HAPPY GUY RIGHT NOW... will update later.. staff parade.. WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

O ye who believe! Take not for intimates others than your own folk, who would spare no pains to ruin you; they love to hamper you. Hatred is revealed by (the utterance of) their mouths, but that which their breasts hide is greater. We have made plain for you the revelations if ye will understand. (03:108)

was reading surah ali-imran because that surah rebutted the claims of the jews and christians.. while scrolling, i was wondering which surah in the quran mentioned the caution on taking someone as confidantes.. lo and behold, that verse just 'pops' out in front of my eyes.. :) cute

got chocolates.. i dunno for what reason.. to thank me for helping the changes in duty? felt guilty abt something?.. *shrugs*.. i didnt want anything.. if i do, i will say it out loud.. and when i dont want sth and u push it down my throat, just to alleviate the sense of guilt, i will just throw it away.. well, the kind me will take it and eat it when the mood is better.. the not so kind me, gave it away.. the evil me will throw it away.. i was at the 'not so kind' me.. i think the person is angry.. should i care? like i've said, kindness doesnt pay.. so i am paying back in kind.. yeah i am evil.. i admit.. so? remain kind and be taken for granted?

started the day with a glum look.. actually i dunno myself why i am glum.. and someone asked to another person why is his face like that.. in chinese no less.. i am so pissed.. at least another friend is educated enough to ask me right on my face why i am glum.. the difference between educated bitches and uneducated ones.. and i really hate uneducated ones.. yeah.. i am bitching.. sue me..

was thinking of what to do this coming weekend.. even contemplated of not attending the bbq by the ord personnels.. but no good la.. better go.. or they will feel slighted no matter what excellent excuses i can come up with..

going to eat some bananas now..

bei paiseh ah?

"To thine own self be true" - Shakespeare

went home yesterday with the kitty.. got comments from friends that he is a cute (but of course!) and well-behaved cat!.. boarded 169 to yishun MRT, and he kept meowing away.. those kind of meowings which tug ur heartstrings u know.. i guess he is just curious.. i was apprehensive actually abt going home by mrt.. rather bus than mrt.. and i have no choice anyway when i saw the "no pets" sign.. fine $500 somemore!! well, no $ to take cab... so i went back to board 169 and go to woodlands.. and take 187 after that.. a smooth journey albeit tiring.. and the kitty was very well-behaved.. no meowing whatsoever.. rewarded him with half a can of tuna+seabreem.. needless to say, my lil bro was happy upon seeing the handsome kitty.. and he followed the kitty around the house.. yeah, role reversal.. he followed the kitty rather that the kitty follow him.. :) slept early.. i think 9pm i dozed off in the living room..

be the taker, not the giver.. one of the maxims i live by.. i let down my guard.. and i will never do that again.. 1st mistake

was bitching and slacking.. as usual.. nothing to do.. to quote my MO, "The battalion has come of age, so there will not be many report sick.. u will have loads of time in ur hands.." so, we start bitching.. and played this old game of mine.. name a person we all know and say out the first spontaneous word u will think of.. eg, faruq --> cancer... erlyna ---> makcik.. that sort of stuffs... so when its my name, one of them say out the word, piety (pious).. i was like wtf? me piety? just because u pray doesnt mean u are pious..

in any case, He knows how many sins i have committed lately.. very naughty.. i will work on it.. and by no means am i pious.. tsk.. a very inflated reputation.. God Bless Me.. mistake no.2

in Riyadhus Salihin, if i remember correctly, there is a hadis(prophetic saying) which roughly say, "if there are 3 persons, there should not be whispering between 2 persons".. the meaning is plain.. the problem with humans are, we take things for granted and we never really think of what we gonna say and what we gonna do..

seeing it in a positive light, maybe Allah still loves me and providing scenarios for me to better understand what His prophet preaches.. for He knows i've been guilty of it.. there have been occasions where i will speak malay so that my chinese friends wont understand it.. most of the time, not to speak bad of the fella.. just mundane stuffs which we dun want them to know.. and boy is that bad.. u just totally alienate the person.. its hurting.. God forgive me.. mistake no.3..

the mouth is the most vile of human anatomy.. thats why there is a malay proverb, "kerana mulut badan binasa" (because of the mouth, the body is destroyed/hurt).. i think thats also why shakespeare said, Hell knowth no fury a woman scorned.. her mouth will nag and u will die under that barrage.. and she can scheme like no other to achieve ur destruction.. in any case, i've realised that and most of the time i just keep quiet..

i am the sort when things anger me, i wont lash out until its too much to bear.. i will just take deep breaths and hold my peace.. if i can still take it, i will remain where i am.. if i cant, i will just walk of.. cowardice? :).. rather, i am well aware of how sharp my mouth can be.. how blatant i can be when i counter attack.. mak bedah pun kalah u.. so i rather keep quiet.. why hurt the other fool who irks u? so my emotion is illustrated plainly on my face..

my biggest mistake is to put up with all these..

at last, faruq gave me the link.. :) thankies dear bro.. so yeah, i browsed and there many humorous quotes.. and many others thought provoking ones.. i will just share some of them.. and paste others consistently in the future..

A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

----> sad to say, this kind of friends are far and between.. i think i can count this group of friends with just one hand.. and i've been neglecting them.. bad i know..

jom ruqie.. starbucks? yeah its a date.. but go dutch yah.. :)

Have a heart that never hardens, a temper that never tires, a touch that never hurts.
--Charles Dickens

---> bleargh.. because of this three, i experience alot of gloom.. but i must say, the satisfaction of making a person smile, being patient, and being compassionate is worth it.. like what someone said, be sincere in doing good.. the trick is, to be sparing when going abt it.. sth which i have yet to learn..

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.
--Ernest Hemingway

---> yeah listen and observe..

abit disjointed.. and i am gonna be true to my self.. pray for me..

this shall be the last entry of this kind for a long while.. i mean, this gloomy bluey kind of stuffs..

enough of this whinings.

msg-ed the diva with this qn, "Describe me in a word other than 'bitch' that is".. and he answered back, "Slut"

i didn't talk to him the whole day today.. i think he knows i am avoiding him and he didnt push his luck.. i then realised, its wrong.. up to a certain point that is.. *sigh* be forgiving yar.. so i start a normal but very short conversation.. cannot be at loggerheads for more than 3 days u know.. so i decided that i will just maintain a normal civil colleague-like working relationship.. better right?

realised that i always make the same mistakes.. the realisation to improve and change is there.. but i somehow dun always follow through my plan of action..

touched on the word empathy..

gonna touch a bit on hypocrisy


The practice of professing beliefs, feelings, or virtues that one does not hold or possess; falseness.
An act or instance of such falseness.


i think this is the most evil and foul of all human traits..

i always wonder how a person can say something towards another and the ugly side will break loose and just be mean towards the other person..

sometimes blatantly.. sometimes not.. in any case, its hurting towards any relationship.. worse still, if the person knows u are a hypocrite..

i seek refuge with Allah that this most foul trait be protected from me..

didnt plan to do a full entry today.. maybe i will

blog hopping
sleep
eat
thinking about stuffs
being civil
contemplating on changing my blog link.. u know from volig.blogspot to sth else

saw hafiz in the morning.. so cool!!! i wonder whether he knows abt my blog..

sort of regretted bringing the kitty to camp.. a couple of reasons..

anyway, miss congeniality later..
and fight club!

empathy

"Identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives.
The attribution of one's own feelings to an object."

I am blessed to be born into a family who teaches and practise this very profound human ability, to empathise..

I still remember times during years past where i will be sitting with my grandparents, watching news during the first Gulf War and the subsequent balkan conflicts.. I still remember the times when my granny watched the news and say prayers and zikr whenever heartwrenching scenes of bosnian citizens being terrorised by their serb neighbours.. and i remember vividly my feelings at that time.. "apa lah nenek ni.. sket sket kesian.. takde kena-mengena kape!" (what lah granny.. little bit only, pitiful.. doesnt concern us what!)

Only now did i realise that empathy and sympathy for others, not all humans have and are able to comprehend, thus practising it.. when u empathise, u tend not to take things for granted.. u tend to be mindful of what u gonna do, of what u will be doing and of what u have done.. like what the sage said, "Do unto others as how u want others do unto u"

Honestly, i only thought abt this word after some episodes which happened during some recent times in my life.. There is no need to delve into that..

There is a colleague of mine who has some psychological problems.. i dunno for sure but he is a bit slow and diffident.. as such, he is quite the person who everybody loves to make fun of and assign menial tasks to.. he was even made to hold a small singapore flag and recite a solemn vow of not being late ever again.. some people are really capable of doing that to a lesser endowed human being.. that's the state of the human mind in general..

There is a group of human beings who whenever i see them, pity and respect and a very profound emotion towards God will always emanate.. and they are those who are afflicted with Down Syndrome.. i pity their parents.. i respect them as a human being.. and i fear and hope to Allah that my offspring will be a normal human being with sound faculties..

There are seemingly normal people with supposedly sound emotional faculty who will still make fun of down syndrome people and treat them with disdain.. to me, these normal people lack the education and i sincerely pity their parents.. woe to these people..

I admit, i am one of those cruel individuals who initially joined the group in making fun of the 'slow' colleague.. and i hope i won't make the same mistake.. it's hurting to be made fun of.. it's not nice to make fun of people.. i believe in retribution..

Empathise.. show pity and compassion and make this world a better place..

saturday.. a day of conflicting emotions..

started the day by doing cover for ippt.. and the bitch went along with me.. ended up bitching and quarelling and indulged in childish antics.. embarrassing i tell u.. like a pair of kitties clawing each other in front of a company of men.. yeah.. i exaggerated.. sue me!

booked out rather early.. abt 10.45am methinks.. went to sun plaza to get McD ice cream cone.. and what a pleasant surprise it was cos my younger cuzzie is working there.. and he approached me first cos i didn notice him.. and shakes(and kiss) my hand.. malay tradition u know..

journey home by mrt.. msg-ed the diva to have lunch with me and we bitched abt it for awhile before deciding where to meet.. met at jurong point and had lunch at Banquet.. after which we went window shopping and he reiterated his aim of going to vancouver next yr of which i am a partner in his grand scheme and of which i have not said anything.. well u see, i have not start saving.. and how on earth to save when mother's day is coming coupled with birthdays and some people asking for diecast models as their birthday gift? (no.. i AM NOT GETTING IT)

and of course, we went to pets station again.. there are new cats u know.. and i am actually quite shocked to see how big my ragdoll can grow.. VERY big i tell u.. there were new ragdoll kitties.. and each of them cost $700!! there are persians too.. so cute man.. and i am toying with the idea of keeping dwarf rabbits.. :)

went home and straight away napped.. bathed vin when i woke up and boy was he naughty!! i think more scared and agitated than naughty.. he clawed me lor.. and attempted to bite me several times.. hehe i knocked his head as a reprimand.. naughty vin.. anyway, now he is smelling nice and ready to go to work with me tomorrow.. yeah.. i am bringing him to camp thanks to the irritating persistence of the resident bitch..

was feeling downright bored and blue after being clawed.. :p started messaging the bitch of cos.. just decided to go to my aunt house to eat dinner and watch the FA cup semi final.. well, both my aunt and uncle weren't around.. so i planned with my sis to get instant noodles and just have a 'picnic' at their house.. hehe as it turned out, my cousin entertained us and we have quite a filling meal and were sprawling like royalties when my aunt came back from her religious class.. she nagged abt the burned 'pau' and asked why we didn cook the kway teow in the fridge.. i was like "hello!!! its not my house, i cant jolly well cook whatever i wanted|".. of course i didnt say that loud.. :) and she is now cooking the kway teow for supper as i am typing away updating this entry..

well, the bitch absolutely insisted that i update this blog.. funny and weird.. but yeah, i wont push my luck.. i am supposed to elaborate on the four words.. maybe i will today.. maybe i will keep it for tmrw..

i'm on duty tmrw.. it will be a picnic cum bitching session.. we gonna have tuna sandwiches.. instant noodles of course.. yoghurt ice-cream.. chilled milo.. and maybe packed lunch since the outgoing ord-ing resident bitch just cant resist the idea of spending time with his 2 fave bitches.. so yeah.. we will have a ball.. plus the kitty running around of course.. and oh, we are trying our darndest to be civilised tomorrow.. :p

feeling too full after a cup of tea and the supper is not even ready yet.. tsk

hipocrisy
empathy
silence
taking things for granted

i received a pink letter! a pink letter.. yeah the colour is pink! from the resident bitch after he read the previous entry.. so sweet right!!! the gesture is very much appreciated.. and no u wont get that car..

i lashed out just now.. just sick of being mr neville chamberlain.. u know the british prime minister who adopted the appeasement policy in dealing with monsieur hitler during the late 1930s.. yeah.. continuing the passive attitude is apparently being interpreted as a sign of weakness..

they wanna go out this weekend.. to watch hidalgo methinks.. and one of them wanna bring his good girl friend to intro to us.. honestly, i am not interested in meeting the girl.. so yeah, let razif meet her.. and razif is psycho-ing me to go along.. nearly said yes yesterday.. but changed my mind just now.. i have no idea why i put up with that guy.. one moment, i am damn pissed with him.. the next moment the anger just dissipate.. i am a lousy angry guy i guess.. or just TOO forgiving.. is that a weakness? to forgive?

i miss him.. *sigh* will bathe him this saturday.. and cuddle him and carry him around.. to make up for it since i am on duty this sunday, i will go home on monday and play with him.. :)

i miss the diva too.. havent seen him for weeks.. and i need to find a housewarming gift for him.. a fruity bedsheet set will be nice i guess.. need to ask her for ideas.. ;)

there are stuffs i wanted to write abt.. hipocrisy and empathy.. no idea right now.. so maybe i wont write it yet.. maybe over the weekend or tomorrow.. and as usual, the bitch will be eager to read about it..

and that bugger, he will sms-ed me via free web sms and he just know that i will entertain him.. but when i am the one using the web sms, he will not reply!.. idiot..